We've been talking about about this day for the last few weeks, my Jacob and me. How he will go to school for a few hours, meet his teachers, make new friends, and learn many, many new things. We packed his backpack, we visited the school on a few occasions, and we always talked about how momma will come back and pick him up after lunch time.
And so, when I was getting ready to leave my very first little one on his very first day of school, and he started crying and crying and yelling momma, momma, it was hard to let go...
Very hard. I teared up. I questioned whether this was maybe not such a good idea. Maybe he is still too little to be away a few mornings a week. But as the sweet teachers scooped up my little one, I realized there was no turning back. I peered through the window on my way out and still saw a sad little baby screaming crying at the door for his momma. And it made me very, very sad.
A call to my own momma reassured me that it would get easier. That yes, she cried on these very same days years ago.
I waited an entire fifty minutes before calling in to check on him. I was connected to his teachers and could only imagine what they must be thinking.... dude, you just dropped off your kid and now you're calling us. But that I did. I expected a reassurance that he had settled down a few minutes after I left. Wrong momma. I heard Jacob crying in the background, still screaming momma, momma.
Has he been crying that way since I left?
Teacher: (pause) Well, it's been on and off.
Should I pick him up?
Teacher: (possibly thinking, you crazy nut, give it some time) I really think he will be okay.
And so I waited... I sent some emails, ran some errands, and tried to enjoy my "time off."
And finally, I couldn't wait anymore. At 11:45 (just a half an hour early), I returned.
And my baby was still crying. And as I scooped him up, and his little body gripped so tightly to my body and his head fell against my shoulder, and tears surfaced to my eyes, I tried very hard to listen as the teachers reassured me this would just take a few weeks.
Yes, we will return. And hopefully it will be a little easier to let go.
But for now? Now, we will be together....because nothing is better that seeing this little one happy.