Friday, October 29, 2010

Hello, Halloween.

Preparing for a good weekend.

To start with, a very special Halloween play date with Jacob and his friends. Treats and sweets, photographs and giggles, we had quite the grand celebration.

It doesn't get much cuter than dressing eight little ones up in their Halloween costumes. And while Jacob wouldn't wiggle himself into his monkey costume, he has taken a liking to his pumpkin costume from last year.

Of course, more of this to come.

Happy Friday!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Wedding.

It is a weekend that can only be described as magical, as beautiful, as absolutely perfect. There are many photographs to share, many moments to write about, but as we are still soaking up these hours of spending time with out of town family and friends, I will make this short and sweet.

She was calm as could be on this October fall day.

Her bridesmaids described her as Cinderella, a fairy princess. She was that striking.

It was an extra special day as she was the last Williams lady to walk down the aisle.

And right before she walked down the aisle, her little flower girl looked back at her and asked, "Do you want to trade places?"

And while it was quite sweet, she would not trade places with her, for Lindsay was waiting to walk down to meet the man of her dreams. In their Friday night rehearsal dinner speeches to each other, there wasn't a person in the room that couldn't see the utmost love and respect the two have for one another.

Before the big moment, we toasted a lifetime of love and happiness, which we know the two will have.

The groomsmen suited up in their University of Miami socks.

And everyone jumped for joy....

for the celebration of these two amazing people becoming husband and wife.

My dad concluded his speech with the following quote:

Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly

Jonny and Lindsay could not be a more perfect match for each other.

And the ring bearer.... well, he could have just stole the show.

Not quite... but we certainly thought he was quite precious in his little tux.

When Jonny came down for brunch this morning, my dad asked him how he was doing. His response?

Mizzou won. Miami won. And Lindsay married me.

A pretty good day. And I couldn't be happier for my little sister.

Ready to enjoy more time with those we love.. Congratulations, Lindsay & Jonny! We love you!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Welcome, Fall.

Welcome, Fall. Welcome pumpkins and leaves and gorgeous fall trees, costumes and cider and scrumptious pumpkin pie. Welcome colorful scarves and light jackets, little caps and warm boots.

Welcome new days that help us move along.

And moving along and thinking optimistically about the future is what we're trying to do right now. Welcome, minor bump in the road, my new rental charger.

(thank you to my dear friend, Amanda, for capturing this incredible photo).

When it rains, it pours, was one of Philip's first comments after I called him about our accident three days after being home from the hospital. An attempted yoga outing turned bad when the gentlemen in front of me slammed on his brakes and we collided into the back of his car.

Some say that bad things come in three. I believe that our first incident (first, the ultrasound appointment and then, the surgery) count as two. Our car accident was three and so, my friends, it could only mean that things are turning up for us.

And starting fresh means a new do for little man and his friend.

Our inspiration for Jacob. Justin Bieber, of course.

It's quite possible that this sweet lady at the most fantastic place for a kid's hair cut thought we were a little nutty, but she did the most perfect job of hiding these feelings and gave me the cutest resemblance of a Justin Bieber son.

No, I'm wrong. He's an even cuter version of Justin Bieber.

And yes, at this franchise, we allow children to suck on lollipops if it keeps their little bottom sitting still in the chair.

And although two suckers couldn't please Jacob's buddy, this stylist still managed to get the job done.

Welcome, two of the cutest little men around.

One of the best things about fall? Welcome, pumpkin patch.

And yes, people were stopping and staring and some were even snapping photos of the cutest pumpkin in the whole patch.

Our days have not been perfect. I have moments of overwhelming sadness, of anger that we are no longer expecting. And when these moments come, I remind myself about what we have.

Yes, our perfectly planned out life experienced a small detour. Our first two children will not be twenty-six months apart. But something out there bigger than you and me has allowed to believe that our little one will have other siblings.

Welcome, Jacob's first pony ride.

Welcome, happy baby.

It's impossible to forget about what happened. But there are still things to smile about. Like looking at rows and rows of pumpkins and trying to figure out which was is the most perfect.

I'll take the one in the middle.

And, of course, I'm a much happier person with that big guy on the right as well, who just celebrated a birthday yesterday. To my Philip, I can't imagine a life with you.

And I can't even fathom a life without this little family.

Welcome, new days. Days that make us stronger individuals, days that remind us of what we should really be thankful for, days that we find the strength to smile and move forward.

Welcome, Fall. There are indeed good things to come.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

September 29.

I’ve spent several days wondering if I would share the most recent story in our lives. I’ve wondered if I can find the words to express what happened and wondered if I wanted to make such news public.

And I kept coming back to the purpose of this little family blog. Our story. A way to remember and to share the little moments that define us. And that’s when I realized that, good or bad, happy or sad, this event will always be a small chapter in our story.

It was just a routine trip to the doctor’s office for an ultrasound. We were ten weeks along.

Can you go to the baby and show us the heartbeat? I had asked.

Technician: I’m just going to take a few measurements first.

Can you please just go look at the baby and show us the heartbeat? I asked again.

Moments passed...

Technician: You asked to see the heartbeat and I’m showing you where the heartbeat would be and there is no heartbeat.

We were shocked. Only a few weeks ago, our first ultrasound had indicated a strong heartbeat and a growing baby. And now… now we were left with nothing, nothing but two small pictures of a baby that will never be.

Am I scared?

Very. I’m scared about how I will move forward, how I will learn to let go of a piece of me, a piece of us, a piece of life that we will never know. I’m scared about why it happened, what went wrong, and know that we will never get answers to these questions.

Will I survive this?

Of course I will. It’s not easy, particularly about when I think about how far along I would be now, how we would normally be anxiously and excitedly awaiting our December visit to discover the gender, wondering how close to April 30th our new little one would actually come. Now, these dates will pass with no such occurrences.

What do I know?

I know it’s not always peaches n’ cream. We live a good life and we have so many good things to be thankful for. We are lucky that we have not had many hardships to overcome, yet I know we are not invincible.

I know that I have amazing friends and family that will do anything for us… a sweet letter, a batch of cookies, flowers, or a dinner… they are all the best of the best and we are very lucky to have them in our life. These individuals that will not say one word about the situation if I tell them I don’t want to talk about it, and five minutes later be a shoulder to cry on if I have suddenly changed my mind. There are certain people that, if something like this has to happen, you really just think, man, we’re lucky to have them around. They have made me smile, allowed me to cry and vent, and reminded me the sun will soon shine again.

I know that we were ready. Big Brother shirts for Jacob and all…. We were ready to take on another little peanut. But maybe, as my mom has told me, maybe Jacob just needed a little longer of his days of receiving all of the attention… maybe just a little longer.

I know that we have an incredible nineteen month old child that makes me smile mid-sob. During these moments, he often has walked up to me holding a favorite book, “Don’t Cry, Big Bird.” Ok, Little One, I tell him, Momma won’t cry anymore. And while he may not quite know what has been going on the last week, I can tell you that I have received more unexpected hugs and kisses than ever before.

And finally, I know I have a good man for a husband. I know that in my weakest moments, he always just did the right thing. And I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him, always being the strong one, but he did it.

What next?

For now, we go about our routines one day at a time. I have come to terms with the fact that there will be no baby in April. I am, however, hopeful that we will add more little ones to our family. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. And while I can’t quite figure this one out, I’m willing to rely on things bigger than us to get me through this time in our life.

Life will move on.

I know there will be more tears in future days. I know I will continue to wonder, why me, why us. But this is our life now and there is nothing that can be done. I am blessed with an amazing family and we deserve to move forward, be happy, and think optimistically about the days when we might welcome in a new little one. It will not be easy. But this is certainly not the end.

Just a little moment in our lives right now.

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